And finally, if you're the financial bully, beware, because it will come back to hurt the relationship and, ultimately, you, Gresham says. She spent it on the mortgage, the groceries, and the things we needed—but she also sometimes had to hide her decisions and her purchases. "You can talk about feeling controlled and how bad that feels as opposed to attacking your partner for being a control freak," Gresham says. However, controlling the credit cards might be the behavior of a domineering spouse. Although most people will act like they have a really good reason to need money from you when they ask for it, some instances may not be as desperate as they’re made out to be. However, in other cases, it can be "kind of a negative thing that's going on." I had this very thing happen to me. By following the advice above, you can help them out without abandoning them or losing your financial stability along the way. Whether your spouse is bad with money, a family member was hit hard by unexpected financial setbacks or a friend keeps asking you for money to get by (or possibly fund an addiction), there are a few things you should consider when a loved one seeks financial help from you. My husband is asking me paying back the money he spent for processing my green card. But I honestly feel a little queasy thinking about being in this situation. If you know someone struggles with an addiction – whether it’s drugs, alcohol, gambling, or any number of costly addictions – refer them to someone who can help instead of giving them money. According to a recent survey conducted by Esurance, 36% would feel comfortable lending their car to someone, not on their insurance policy. But, sometimes it’s necessary to protect yourself from getting dragged down into financial despair. It’s like nothing is good enough and I just can’t bring myself to do anything for him because he will complain or easily get annoyed with any ideas I offer up which conflict with his own. If your husband is constantly trying to persuade you to transfer bulk amounts of money to his account for safekeeping, he might just have a different agenda on his mind. If someone who racks up a ton of credit card debt gets trapped in high-interest payday loans, and can’t even live paycheck to paycheck without acquiring more debt in between pay periods…this person may not pay you back because they clearly haven’t developed the money savvy skills to control their own spending. I had this very thing happen to me. This is one of the common signs of financial abuse, one person shouldn’t have sole authority over the other, because financial independence is quite important. The healthy thing to do instead? "But it's not OK to yell and lecture and point your finger at the other person.". If your friend borrows your car and causes damages that exceed your car insurance limits, the rest may come out of your pocket. Dictates the details of your monthly budget. For dinner with my old school friend and her husband I’ve chosen a simple knee length grey skirt and a white blouse. Get new blog posts delivered right to your email! However, you can’t put your wallet at risk based on some internalized guilt you have for not being able to help them out financially. If you're at an impasse, it might be a good idea to meet with an expert such as a credit counselor, especially if you're in debt, or a fee-only financial planner. Pathetic! In a 2013 online poll by CreditKarma.com, one in 10 American adults in committed relationships said they were being financially bullied by their spouse or live-in partner. I didn’t have to explain myself differently — he understood me. Q & a on Twitter @ MoneyQandA and @ HankColeman person may genuinely have worst... 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